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Changing Expectations Changes Your Life

by Mark Treick on October 4, 2013


I woke up August 24th suddenly from my son Oren yelling, "Daddy . . . Daddy Get up. We got bubble bath." I was tired but I had to get up. My wife, Helen, was at work and my kids needed Daddy to get up.

My daughter Chelsea woke up about a half hour later and we were lathering ourselves in a bath by 10:10 AM Friday morning.

All was going as expected, too. This morning was no different than other mornings. What usually happened was I worked my job until 1 AM, I would go to bed by 2 AM and be up by 8 or 8:30 because my wife had to be at work anywhere between 8 to 9:30 AM. It was tiring, and by the end of my week I was exhausted. But like I said it was all expected.

In fact my life to this point was always just that, a life of changing expectations. Or at least it turned into that . . . somehow it did anyway.

My wife and I are online marketers. And being parents with full-time jobs and wanting to make things better for our family was our dream. We wanted not just more than what our parents provided us. We wanted to free ourselves from relying on "Jobs" to pay the bills. We wanted to build our passions and we saw that we could help others do the same.

At the beginning of every week the goals were set. And every week I got up in the morning, drank my coffee, tried to fit in time for our business, watched the kids, fed the kids, put one down for a nap while one didn't take a nap, and somehow got some down time before loading the kids into my car to meet my wife at her job when she finished her shift at 4:25 PM, traded the kids into her car, she drove home, and I headed to work by 4:30 PM for my 8 hour shift 'till 1 in the morning.

We did that 5 to 11 days a week. (I know there are 7 days in a week, but not when both parents work for a living) As you can tell it was a hectic life; an out of control life. By the end my 3rd day of this insanity I was getting really, really tired. What was at the beginning of the week a positive plan to make things happen and move forward in our Online business was quickly becoming a pipe dream. We really wanted to make our Online business work, but both our "life's realities" was taking it toll.

After awhile, though, a silly thing happened, something we never thought in a million years would happen to us, our lives became lives full of changing expectations. The end results of our actions became what were expected.

Our list of expectations were like this:

Get in bed by 2 AM Get up by 8 AM Feed Kids Try and do work for Online business before Noon Feed kids Try and find time do house work, work on Online business, and rest before work Transfer kids with my wife in our cars Go to work until 1 AM

Repeat every day

As you can imagine as time went on it became exhausting, but after doing this for a good 3 months it because an expected routine. And like anything over time, it becomes easier and easier to make it part of your daily routine. After awhile that routine became habit. And after the habit started it became what we expected out of our lives. It became our life of chasing.

Somehow, while sauntering along a path with our vision to be Online Marketers, learning as we were going, something dramatic happened. Our vision started picking up the pace, and at first we did everything we could to keep up, and we did for a while. But as time kept moving our vision picked up the pace even more, and slowly but surely we started lagging behind our vision.

Then one day it hit us: we were now chasing our dream, and it was becoming difficult to catch up, and we fell farther and farther behind. We started questioning the end results of our dream. This wasn't the result we wanted. We desired and expected things to be different. Our efforts were falling very short of our expectation, that’s for sure.

We tried hard to be successful, and to other people we were. We had good jobs. We worked very hard at being successful at our jobs, but the more we tried at making more money at our jobs, the more we hated our jobs, the more frustrated we became with each other and the more frustrated we became with following our vision to one day reaching our goal to be Online Marketers. We were so close to making our dream a reality, yet we were NOT living up to our expectations. Not even close.

We are a family of 4, 2 dogs, and a cat. We were living the rat race perfectly. Slowly, and I don't know how it happened, maybe it was our upbringing, but we gave in, and we accepted our sentence that maybe we set our expectations too high. We had to accept the inevitable that our lives would be going to our jobs, paying our bills, sending our kids off to college, and let them continue the same cycle. We hated the idea, but it seemed inevitable. We were failing in following our dream. We started to accept and expect this end result.

Our lives in business became similar to what was happening in our personal lives, too. They were one in the same, or there was very little separating the two. Since we worked our business at home, the kids saw us on the computer while we ate, when they woke up from their naps, after they got out of their baths. Even while on vacation, we were on our computers. Our lives revolved around and around to where there was no distinction between business and family time. It was our routine, and it was our expectation.

The funny thing was our kids accepted it. They joined in and learned to do things on the computers. They dinked around with all our TV gadgets and made them work. Before my son was 2 he could get on our iPhones and open up You Tube and find his favorite shows after accessing the playlist on one of our accounts. He did it all by himself. It was impressive.

And then our daughter before she was 10 months old could turn on and off the TV and control the volume. She had a hard time turning it down, but you get the point. My kids were not the dull knives in the drawer.

What's funny about this is that their intelligence became expected in our lives. We saw how great our kids were and as any proud parents our expectations ran high. We saw ourselves going to their college graduations, seeing them rewarded for being at the top of their classes and then going off and changing the world. No problem! Our expectations were so high.

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Now I return to that Friday morning on August 24th, bath time has been over for roughly an hour. In that time I fed the kids, we played, my son, Oren, pulled things off counters, dumped over the trash, the dog started eating the trash, my daughter, Chelsea, was tying string around her head. It was comical, yet all happening at once. All while I am very tired, and it was at that point I remembered I had to get my son's things together and get him over to swim lessons that started at 12:30 PM at our local community pool.

The morning of the 24th was an unusually cool morning. I remember because both my kids were cold and needed blankets after their bath while we watched a TV show. It was the first time I turned on the Furnace. It was in the high 40's low 50's that morning - pretty cool considering we swam in our pool the day before.

My expectations that morning was we would stay inside, watch TV, eat a good breakfast, play a little, go to swim lessons and then have lunch when we got back a little after 1 PM. After that I would put my daughter down for a nap. Just like I had done for the last month. No problem. I was tired but it was routine. I could do it in my sleep. There was no reason I didn't expect to pull it off.

I think you can tell my story has a lot to do with expectation, or the expectations that seemed to develop as our lives moved onward.

But this morning was different, and here's how.

At 11:55 AM I went looking for my son's swimming shorts. I asked him to help me find them, so we went looking around the house for them. They weren't in the usual spots, so I looked outside on the deck by the pool and didn't see them there. When I came inside through the sliding glass door, I noticed them on the floor. No problem. I'll throw them in the dryer to get the dampness off them, and we'll be off to swim lessons.

I put the shorts in the dryer, and when I did that my son went to the bathroom at 12 noon. I never told him I found his swimming shorts, so I think he kept looking for them. I sat down at the computer and checked the news on CNN. At 12:05 my son closed the door to the bathroom again. I thought that was strange because he just went to the bathroom 5-minutes earlier. (Not expected at all.)

I got up from reading the news to check on him. I knocked on the door and asked him, "Are you going potty?" He said, "Yes…"

I opened the door and he told me was all done, but from the looks of it, it didn't appear he went to the bathroom. I just brushed it off as he's only 3 years old, and then I told him, "I found your swimming shorts. Let's put them on. We have to get you to swim lessons!"

The story, all the way to this point, is falls in a typical days expected realm. Nothing was out of the ordinary at all. It was going just like clock work. I planned the day, and my day was going as expected.

The next phrase that came out of my mouth I will never, ever forget… It's not so much what I said, but it was what happened after I said it that was completely and utterly Un-Expected. It changed my life. It changed who I was. It changed the direction my life would take from that point forward.

The phrase occurred when I asked my son, "Where's your sister?"

Now your life with your kids is a constant. If you have kids you'll understand that. You not only have high expectations, you tie the results to how you bring them up to the end result. Your expectations of you as a parent, and if you do a good job as a parent your expectations of your kids are pretty high. You really do expect greatness. At least I did.

Somehow my 13 month old daughter, Chelsea, made her way outside the sliding glass door on that cold morning, walked out onto the deck, probably tried to reach something on the pool cover and fell in. I lost track of my sweet little girl, my "Sweetie Pie" for 10 minutes, and in those 10 minutes she died. She drowns in our pool.

I had huge expectations for her. And I at least expected, at the minimum, for her to live beyond my life.

It devastated my life, and it rocked the foundation of everything I stood on. Only 2-months have gone by as I write this - what seems like 2 years - since Chelsea died. On the 64 day since she passed away, I watched and listened to a .TV website that belongs to my friend Jonathan Budd, and what he said on the video he produced put into perspective what I just wrote above, and how I can make sense and move on from the tragedy of losing my daughter and how I can move forward personally and in my business for the rest of my life.

Here's the link to check it out. http://jonathanbudd.tv/. It's powerful. It's revealing. It can change your life.

It did mine.

Thank you Jonathan from the bottom of my heart for being a warrior and an angel.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Ashley John Morrell December 8, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Hello Helen & Mark,
Have just read Mark`s very sad storey & watched Jonathon Budd`s vision journey!
Certainly makes one think? I feel so sorry for your loss.
She was obviously such a really GORGEOUS Little girl!!
Our lives must go on & I am realy glad that you are going to be one of my Coaches, Helen! Will hear you on Friday Dec 13, 2013 at 08:00 AM , our time here.
I have seen & heard you on your videos, as I am up to the end of Step13 & looking forward to my first time with Max Aria tomorrow morning at 5-30 our time here in Western Australia! {Down-Under}.
Cheers, John.

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Felecia February 10, 2014 at 8:57 pm

Mark and Helen …

Sorry for your loss … your story will inspire many others to move forward who have also lost a loved one. Just because we choose to move forward doesn’t mean that our precious child, friend, parent or lover will be forgotten. We move forward in celebration of life and of those we love.

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renada lane March 9, 2014 at 10:50 am

How sad and tragic. You don’t think they can move that quickly, but blink and those little cuties are off and out of sight. God continue to bless and keep you both and know she’s not lost, but Jesus is taking care of her until you get to be with he again.

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Lisa May 6, 2014 at 5:45 am

Wow, what a tragedy, so sorry for your loss. You guys are an inspiration & I am so glad to be in business with you. Looking forward to our coaching session next Monday, have a great week!

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Bob May 7, 2014 at 2:53 pm

I look at you life like Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day,Its like that for all of us,We except things the way they are,But never do anything more about them.We just go on and on,thinking nothing can change,In your case a child has lost her life,Im sorry for this loss.You were so busy with your useul life,that you really forgot about what your life is truely about.You just exspected your normal routine.But in return recived a real eye opener.In my life ive learned that you must lose everything to gain everything,I am a very inner person,i see things differantly then most can only imagine.You must find it in your heart to forgive yourself,you did it without mind,not thinking.Yet it has brought you to a realization about life,Amen for that,hopefully this cycle that you were in,has ended.And now you care more then ever before,I hope you find Peace,Peace Bob

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Richard May 7, 2014 at 6:10 pm

Dear Mark and Helen,
First let me say, I like others who’ve read and know of your loos find it difficult to find words to say that would bring comfort to you at this time.
If I may be completely honest and direct you to some scriptures, perhaps knowing the hope we all have and the purpose of life and why things are the way they are would bring you a true and lasting sense of peace.
In the book of Rom.5:12,17,19″Because one man sinned, all have sinned and are born into imperfection. The wages of sin is what?, It is death.
With that our creator did not leave man without hope, as evidenced in his son Christ Jesus, who bore all our sins and paid the ransom sacrifice by laying down his earthly life in behalf of those who would listen to his voice and follow him.
In short, we really need to know and learn what it was Christ preached about.
There are many scriptures that tell us.
Briefly allow me to say it is that his kingdom would be established and it would put an end to this wicked system of things.
Recall the Lords Prayer? What is it we pray for? It is for his kingdom to come, and to let his will be done here upon the earth, just as it is in heaven.
He taught his followers how to go out into the world and spreed his message of hope, they were called not only his followers, but are known as Christians, for the word means to be Christ follower.
Our creator created man and the earth for us to live in a paradise condition forever, void of any sickness, pain or death.
His original purpose will not be deterred, it will be established where we will someday soon be able to witness it’s arrival.
You can go too http://www.jw.org for any of your Bible questions and learn more about his loving provisions.
The big question we all have, specially anyone such as yourselves who’ve loosed a loved one, is why would a loving God allow pain and suffering?
Remember it was Adam that caused this to be the way it is, not Jehovah.
Satin has thrown down the gantlet, telling Jehovah that he can turn all of mankind against him, just don’t interferer, give me free rain he told God.
What is the condition of those who’ve fell asleep in death, are they suffering in a fiery hell, or up in heaven as angels?
For the true answer we need to go to his word.
Please read 1Cor. 15:54,57 and 1Tim.2:5,6 Acts 17:31 Rev. 21:4 These scriptures tell us about death and what hope we have.
Some other scriptures I am going to give you are about the earth and it’s destiny.
Ps. 37:9,11 tell us that the righteous will remain here on the earth, but that the wicked will be cut off. Matt. 6:9 Eccl.1:4
Please read 2Pet.2:4-9 Rev.21:1-4 This wicked system of things is passing away, but the ones doing the will of Jehovah, they are the ones who will remain forever, this is what his word tells us, and I personalty don’t believe our loving God and Father would or could lie.
Jesus taught about this hope of attaining to everlasting life and how we can achieve it. .
I truly am sorry for your loss and do hope that I may have given you something to help ease your suffering a little.
All my best,
Richard

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